Never Okay to Discuss

There is a common problem seen in marriages when one partner cheated.  Sometimes the wandering spouse seeks outside advice from friends, family or even strangers. Everyone has overheard or been part of someone discussing their marriage when the spouse was not around.  In most cases the discussion is about something negative about their partner.  In my own case, my spouse would discuss our marriage with people who didn’t even know me. They would feed into his beliefs. Such beliefs as “all woman are bi sexual” or “all people cheat”. For someone who suffers from a mental illness these people offering advice only caused more illness and/or pain to him and his family. 

The most damaging thing you can do in a marriage, even before there may be adultery is talking about or asking for advice about your marriage from outsiders.  People tend to talk to their friends, family, co-workers, or anyone who may hear them out. The way the conversation goes all depends on who they are talking to.  The best thing to do if there is trouble in your marriage is to seek professional help.   

But what do you do if you are unable to get professional help?  There are times you may talk about your marriage with others such as your Mom or best friend. There is nothing wrong with this if you talk about the conversation with your spouse later. It is never okay to keep that conversation hidden from your spouse.   You need to give your spouse a chance to insert their thoughts about that conversation. It is a very good idea to avoid talking to people who think negatively about your spouse or people who have ulterior motives. Another option is to seek help online from trusted relationship websites. 

If you are one for the friends or family members you are lending ears please be careful how you reply to the persons thoughts.  You are never in possession of all whole truth.  It is absolutely never okay to insert your personal thoughts when you know nothing about the other partner.  You are passing judgement on something you know nothing about.  There is all different sides of the truth.  There is her side, his side and the truth.  We all need to be careful when offering  advice on relationships.

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